Hugi Magazine 32: Say It With Flowers

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Adopted parent (By Fable Fox)


The tsunami hit Malaysian beaches. But a small part of it. Penisular Malaysia is surrounded by sea at 80% or so - except where he have the Malaysia/Thailand border. It hit Malaysia, there were deaths - and that's the point of the article, not geography. Not to mention it's not my favorite subject either. People died. In some cases, the whole town died, wiped off. In Malaysia there is a guy who lost all five of his children. Some lost their parents. Suddenly, the word adoption goes around. Either by families, large companies or goverment, as some children get 'adopted'. Either they are well being taken care of, or actually getting adopted to a new family.

Like a novel (was it 1984?) there was a line "Everybody is born equal. But some are more equal than the others." Ugly (sorry for the word), sick and handicapped children are usually left behind. Just like the old song "Nobodies Child", there are times where nobody wants you - nobody.

I just read an article in The Star (Malaysia Newspaper) last Christmas, it's about donations. Orphanages in the cities are lucky, they can get RM 80,000.00 or so as they are consider that value to be low (that amount is BIG in Malaysia). While the orphanages in the rural areas are lucky if they are going to get new school bag for the kids (the article says that donators already give the children new clothes, therefore they feel guilty to ask for more). Wow - but I guess it's the economy and statistic. Most large companies (and rich people) live in the city. This is just the bone, here's the meat.

Parental Love

So some children get adopted. Some are not. They grow up being an orphan. Some pay the credit where it's due, like an orphan guy who work at an orphanage part time to return his gratitude, I've read it in the newspaper. But the thing is, there are lots of people out there that grow up being an orphan. The question is - once they aged something to like 30, they properly have everything they need like job, car, house - they might need love. For some, it's parental love. So the question is, is it OK for them to adopt a parent, as in - consider a woman and man (much older, of course) as their mom and dad?

There's a lot of instance of this happening. Student Exchange Programs pair students and to their 'foster' parent. Sometimes, the link stays forever. Sometime they're doing it with the family they know - like their neighbours. Specially if the other party know that this person has a grown up as an orphan.

I Want My Mom

Some might say, "What's the point? Go get married and have a wife!" Yes. But statistically speaking, lots of marriages end with a divorce. Now your inlaws are no longer your mom and dad. Not to mention, should something happen between you and your partner, they are probably not going to side with you.

Not to mention it's a double whammy. You are losing your partner, and at the same time you need love and support - you also lose your mom and dad (in law).

Third, the relationship is really different. With a partner - you can get a divorce. But with adoption, it's like, forever. So if you pick a mom, she is going to be your mom until death pulls you apart. It's not like you can say "I don't love you anymore, mom...". You just don't do that. This what make the relationship magical. Not to mention there is no lust or sex. Just love, pure love, parental love. I'm not sure if you can understand it, but by reading a lot of books on psychology - I have to agree. Some people just need love. It's like some people need pets and some people do not. Some people want children, some people do not. Some people want to get married, some people want to live a solitarily life (as in being left alone). Some people want to be gay/lesbian have 'fun' in their own way.

Some people just need parental love. If they can't have it when they're a kid, then they're going to get it when they're adult.

So, what's your opinion?

A: A person deserve parental love, even when they're 30+. People have their rights, and they have a right to get themselves an adopted parent. Not to mention they're old enough to think for themselves.

B: No. Grow up dude. Live with it. You're not gonna have it. Like the blind that won't see and the deaf who won't hear. You shall have NO parental love.

Whatever your comment is, DO NOT MAIL IT TO ME. Mail it to HUGI. I want to make the magazine alive with conversation and ideas. Please state your reason / ideas.

- Fable Fox,