Hugi Magazine 32: Say It With Flowers

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Amputation (By Maija "DiamonDie" Haavisto)

Split ends are nasty, they ruin your day like nothing else. Special tools are needed to tackle them. Kitchen scissors won't do - they will just accelerate the splitting. The commercials convince you that you can take care of the problem with a magic conditioner, but that's bullshit. Your hair will become heavy and smudgy, dividing like there's no tomorrow. The gadgets sold on TV Shop don't work any better either. You know because you have tried it. They're plugging it just to make fun of you.

It's hard to concentrate on studying when your head is squirming with the minuscule demons. It's like you're Medusa stuck in front of a sociology book. Plus when you're clasped under a horny, naked body there's nothing to think about but split ends. In the dark he won't see them, but you know they're there, crawling on your shoulderblades. That makes it impossible to Climax, but you can always fake it.

At your father's funeral you think of split ends. The black fabric gives them a splendid emphasis as you can see all of the other people staring in disgust at you. By the time they're done with the corpse, your hair will have grown multiple branches. It's like cancer, sucking the life out of you and soon it will be too late to finish it off.

In the end, you will need to have it all removed. The hair is stored in a small plastic bag, just in case you want to sell it to a Wig Maker. Of course they won't buy it, since it's already ruined by the split ends. You will have no option other than to burn it. The Barber says he's sorry you have to endure chemotherapy, and that you're brave for not wanting to wear a wig or a scarf - As if there's anything brave about being hairless. You'd take chemo over split ends anytime.

It's amazing how easily you can achieve purity with just a couple of blades. Now that the nightmare is over, you can again pay attention to other parts of your body. Don't fool yourself, you can still feel Medusa's every snake, dividing and flourishing. The worst part about being bald is that there's no more hair to shear. You will stagnate until you have pruned every possible branch in your body. Cutting off limbs is just maintenance work.

Maija "DiamonDie" Haavisto