Biography of an 3l33t Lamer

This contains sensitive and highly secret information about an 3l33t lamer. First let me introduct myself. My age (rounded up to the next whole number) is a 2 digit number, whose 2 digits after summing them together gives a 3rd number value. Education, I hear no-one ask, is pretty kewl. Once I was little with a snotty nose. After lots of teachings and lame examinations by the family doctor I got results. Soon later I left the skool to join the old skool crew. That's right, I added myself to a gangstar rap group called "skoolers-with-attitude", but cops gave mee a parking ticket for being lame. So I left the army and became a chef in a remote controlled cardboard box on a street corner. Drugs gave me new ways to code in 3l33t style, but the food was monster-kewl. I got sack. Food was susposed to bee monster-hot, not kewl. Some shit 'bout germs and hygiene. Then my third wife left my bed to become a man. Shit occurs.

Then before I was born I got a new comodore C64k. It kicked ass. No realy crewz back then, just suckers and socks, lame coders who kept released working produktions. Soon then, after tea-time, I ate my disk-drive and got a new kewl tape loader. Blast, turbo, color flash, BANG! I then saw the 1st commodore64 demo called "Difficult birth" by the Spanked-monkeys. So my imaginary friends got the kruel idea and we cast a new crew called "Fondle my grandmother". She rocked. But soon that her rocking chair broke. Shit.

A friend called Mo-mo-ballon-face had intercourse once with his toy teddy-bear. But the foam stuffing gave a nasty rash on his dick. Before dying he wrote two lines of kewl code, something realy 3l33t. After his funeral, I hacked his code and found a GOTO 10. Whoa, kewl.. 50% there...

Then my imaginary friends left to form a lamer crew called "Toilet bowl" heheh. All there produktions were crap.. hahah. Then NATO asked me to design the space shuttle, but, I was ill that day. This led me to employed in the CIA. I could now aford a new pair of underpants. Sad news. My father died of woodworm. He was hiding in someone else's cupboard when the woman's husband came back. The cupboard felt apart from woodworm and the man killed him with my old underpants.

The Interlace demo was released a month later. After this events, my c64 broke. During this time I wrote a kewl diagnostic programme, but can't load it because the coomodore was broke. But I was happy, six weeks later it was my 13th birthday. I got new Ferriai estate car with 7 seats and a roofrack. It rocks. Then a year later I hit puberty. Whoa ROAD-KILL !!!!!!! Unlucky for me, the pet shop had a twin dog. So buried the dead dog in my garden. Concrete is kewl. And took new dog to my grandmother's. She stinks. The mod tracking routine are coded in 2 days and we had a party. But no coderz turned up. Sniff... next year I will have monitor and probably sent out some invites. Shit. Forgot to do this before this years party.

BANG ! Kewl nu dem0s c0m1nG-at-YAA. PhResh for 1983..

Dick Puller