After the hangover
This was supposed to be the beginning of my article "I hate real life". However, since it became so big and out of subject, I decided to remove it. After all, the other article is quite different and more serious than this piece of crazy text. They don't fit each other anyway. I did have fun writing it indeed. It doesn't look that entertaining to me at the second time though. Let's say that it's just a little random story..
I decided to write this article after a hangover. Yesterday night, while being in a sick and depressive state, I even had an evil thought to come back to Pouet by expressing my hate towards real life in a new messageboard thread. Today, I think it wouldn't be a good idea to mess up with Pouet again (Usually, naughty thoughts which are coming under alcohol, drugs, viagra or dreams, seem very odd when you wake up). For I feel much better since the time I left. My absence from Pouet doesn't imply my engagement in real life though. I just decided to avoid messing up with the community and getting hard feelings back, then beeing tempted to reply, thus making my feelings even worse. From time to time, I may show up (or not, if I ever decide to stop my demo activities at all) through articles and small releases, but nothing else.
I once thought it was time to become squished or one with the floor(?), now I arrived here at Germany. Uhm, just a free translation of a greek phrase meaning to become hell of a drunken(?!). Someone told me an english expression, I think something like "You are hammered", but I wasn't really aware of that expression (Actually, my electronic dictionary includes quite a rich ammount of english words and phrases for the same meaning, exactly seventeen times more than the german ones! It seems however that the german wordbook of that dictionary is quite less rich than the english one. Proof? I failed miserably while searching for the word Schwanz in it! :) However, it doesn't seem to know this either. Another one matching is "smashed"). It's funny that a German guy told me "Du bist breit!" then, and despite mein schlecht Deutsch I have caught that! Breit is like broad, literally meaning to become one with the floor :). I think I have heard that in a german rock song before, my brother translated that for me actually. Anyway, let's say that I wanted to become broad one day in Karlsruhe, as much as I have never been in my life before :)
I could plan that for any day. But I had to find the appropriate one. Yesterday, there was a Straba Party. It's sometimes the coolest way to party, like lot of people being stuffed roughly into a Strassenbahn, music and beer following. I had reasons for doing that yesterday. First, the ticket price was 8 Euros, but at least the drinks were free. I should take an advantage of this! Then, I had the right depressive mood. Struggling hard with real life, believing that I could manage it, then being disappointed and sticking back to my weird self. Understanding that perhaps real life is not for me and thus I just have to be content with myself and try to have a time. Lastly, a girl might have played a tiny role to what happened yesterday to myself.
I must have drunk more than 6 beers as fast as I could, intentionally trying to reach another state of mind. Almost the funniest moments came when I started poking at girls, after I was told to follow the green light in order to find a blond girl who wanted to have sex with me (Yeah, right! ;). However, the funniest ones for me, had to do with that girl (The one I am referring to in the previous paragraph, not the one who "wanted" to have sex with me), during the previous days too. Perhaps I could share some stories at TUM with you :) The not so funny oh so ugly ones, were when I felt so sick that I couldn't stand up on my feet, throwed up "so many times that I cannot currently fit in a particular number-ice word"-ice (Would fivice or fice, sixice or sice simply make it? I have to find the word for X5 or X6, it sounds more emphatic than plainly saying five or six times. Or I just love playing with words and texts :) or perhaps I just don't remember (Now I am thinking it, they seem to match the number of beers I drank ;). I throwed up into the Straba, then upon the road, later while taking a piss, then again at the Strassenbahn that brought me home, then in the toilet (hopefully not splashing anything outside in the bathroom :), then again in the toilet after waking up at 5:00 in the morning. Then I just got sick of throwing up so many times and decided to take a final nap instead, hoping that I won't have to do it once again.
At noon, I was feeling very dizzy, so I thought to go out and have some Doner Kebap. Even if I lately hate Kebap, because the lot of them I have eaten during my arrival at Karlsruhe must be a possible reason for the terrible pimples I recently got upon my face (My untidy room and clothes must be another possible cause though, also the fact that I simply keep on touching and scratching them all the time :P). However, by buying 3 more Doners I get a Pizza or Doner free. I have 6/9 now and this must not even be the 15% of all the ones I have tasted till now. Perhaps Doner stores can become rich near Optimus' place in Germany, not Internet Cafes as many claim :) Later, I just went to a netcafe (Netcafes too then? Nope, I mostly use the Rechnerzentrum of my university here, except for special cases. Like downloading MP3s - I think it's impossible to install peer2peer programms in the RZ, because their computers are a bit annoyingly restricted - or just simply writing gossip to scene friends concerning some Erasmus girls, without beeing afraid anyone glancing at my screen :) For example, I was narrating my adventures with that girl to TeXeL after the Doner, in an email sent with the codename subject "Modified Bresenham algorithm for girls" =)
Then I just went home (I paid 4 Euros for 2 hours), emptied my USB memory stick into a random C:\Downy\USBxx folder, while listening to the few Katatonia, My Dying Bride or Anathema MP3s I downloaded, in order to drive my depression more feelingful. (I already knew and was using Anathema for that, unlike the other ones. Thanks to the one who suggested them, they perfectly fit my needs..) Later, I watched some Reply demos too. There was a particular intro which I always found boring at the older times. I understand now however, that every famous codeless demo I once despised (might work with minimalanimal releases or even Chimera, perhaps..), can share me a unique feeling at the right(?) times. Switching off the lights, wearing my headphones and sticking my vision tightly in front of the monitor (not like Bad Sector though ;), would give me the kicks, if Catch22 was running. It's a pity that it finished up so early. Few more minutes and I would have almost made it into the monitor..
And now I am here writing this. I am angry because my ears are aching, not because of the volume of the currently playing depressive music, but having to do with my denial to give something more than 5 Euros for headphones :P. This is out of subject anyway, as 99% of my text actually, according to the title. I had a time while constructing this big(?) piece of text, in my usual overexpressed autosarcastic style as always. Minutes before adding "as always." and writing the beginning of this sentence, I removed my terribly uncomfortable headphones and started reading the whole text from the beginning. It is so enjoyful to share emotions and laughter back to myself while doing that (I am wondering if my readers receive any similar feelings), correcting my (sucky?) english at the same time. Writing is very interesting to me now, unlike what it was at school. Sometimes I think I could be a writer, instead of a programmer.
p.s. All my four articles in this HUGi were written months ago when I was living in Germany. I am not in the same state of mind as when I was writing those texts. They were supposed to be released in a new diskmag which was not released, so I decided to hang them over to the HUGi staff. They are mostly thoughts, funny or uncomprehensible texts. There are 5 or 6 more on my HD, unfinished, which I doubt I will complete..
Optimus / Dirty Minds