Writers' Block: What To Do?
Written by White Shade
Chapter I: Oh NO!!
"Oh, Man, I have to write a story. What am I going to write?! I haven't been able to think of what to write yet. How will I get a story done when I don't know what to write? How many times am I going to say 'write' in this paragraph!?" he groaned.
The 'he' referred to in the previous paragraph is none other than Matt. Yes, THE Matt! (Add your creepy music here.) Yes, this is a different type of story. A story about a story, or more precisely, not being able to make a story. If you, the person reading this, have ever experienced this evil thing, this horrible cube, this... this..... writers' block (Musical Crescendo here), you can relate to Matt. But, to the lucky souls who haven't gotten Writers' Block, just know that eventually people do burrow through the deadly cube, they DO climb the mountain, they DO write a story!!! Matt walked into the kitchen. "Hi Mom! I have to write a story, but I can't think of anything to write. Do you have any ideas?" Matt asked his mom who was reading a magazine and watching the spaghetti sauce on the stove.
With a glint in her eye, Matt's mom said "A story, eh?"
"Hold on, let me just chop up this bacon and then I'll think," she told Matt.
"Okay, let's see. Hey, I have story starters! Let me go down and get them. I'll be right back."
"Story starters?!" Matt thought.
Walking down the stairs, Mom called, "Make sure the spaghetti sauce doesn't boil over!"
Because this story is written in the "reader is omnipotent" style, we can read Matt's mind. "Oh NO! Not those stupid second-grader things that Mom's had in that closet for years! She showed me those a while ago. They were stupid things saying 'Why don't you write a story about fuzzy blobs looking for a treasure chest.' or 'Dorf goes up the stairs, what does he find?' or 'Prince Fairy goes on a quest to save the frog princess, what are some of his adventures?' or other stupid stuff like that. PLEASE not those again. The spaghetti sauce isn't boiling over is it? Good it isn't."
"I couldn't find either set, the Second-Grade ones or the other ones I bought a year or two ago," Matt's Mom said when she came back. "Thanks for watching the sauce for me."
"Can you think of anything Mom?" Matt asked.
"How about woodland creatures looking for five rings near the equator?" she suggested.
"Mom, that's already been done. The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings. About a thousand pages I think! It's about these guys who live in the forest looking for five magic rings in a place called 'Middle Earth'. J.R.R. Tolkien wrote those, and I don't exactly want to write a several hundred page story right now!"
"I thought I recognized that idea from somewhere. Oh well. How about you go and sit down in front of the computer and maybe an idea will come to you." Matt's Mom suggested.
Matt replied, "Okay."
Chapter II: Utter strangeness
Walking down the hall, Matt thought about a movie he had seen recently, and remembered his favorite line from the movie, "What, behind the rabbit?" "No you fool, it IS the rabbit." Matt laughed as he remembered the conversation between two people about a killer rabbit. His mind began to digress as several more strange lines occurred to him, and he thought about adding those to his story, but suddenly he remembered that that would be plagiarism, and he could get in big trouble because of that.
Chapter III: Now back to our show
As Matt sat down at his computer, he began to realize the full extent of his doom. The cube had come and said, "Hi, I'm staying for a month!" In other words, Writers Block had settled upon him. There were only two ways to get past it; either he'd have to get some spikes and climb over it, or he'd have to get a triangular shaped object and hack through it.
"I might as well find some relaxing music on the radio or in my assortment of music files on my computer," Matt thought.
After a minute of ear-drum destroying because of static and horrible music on the radio, Matt happily turned it off and looked on his computer. He sorted through about two dozen music files and finally picked one that he liked.
"Hey, I know! How about you write about a person who gets lost in a forest and then has to find his way back?" Matt's Mom suddenly called as she walked into Matt's room.
"Umm... yeah. I doubt my English teacher's going to like that, and it's also really stupid," Matt skeptically replied.
"You're probably right."
"I think I've got writers' block," Matt admitted as a shudder coursed down his back, "I guess I'll just try that idea with the guy climbing a mountain that I thought of a while ago."
Narrator again! Well, Matt's admitted it. He has Writers' Block. He's also taken the first triangular object and is now starting to hammer it into the cube, so he can eventually get past writers block, and write a story!
Chapter IV: What's to be done about the cube?
Yes, the horrible cube, the one thing that writers hate the most besides having something published and realizing the publisher spelled their last name wrong. Now, let's return to Matt, and see what's going through his mind...
"I feel like someone's going through my mind," thought Matt, "but who can read people's minds? Oh well. I don't have any idea of what to write. Those story starters make me sick, and the only ideas I've ever thought of are so lousy my English teacher would probably send me back to second grade."
"Well, you sit there and see if you can come up with anything. I'm gonna go make sure the sauce isn't boiling over, " Matt's mom said.
"Okay," Matt replied.
Matt's mind, again: "I have no idea what I'm going to do. Arrrggh it makes me want to scream. I don't want to write a story. Writing stories stinks."
Classic Writers' Block behavior.
Chapter V: Cube cube cube, why hath thou come?
Right about now, if we looked up the symptoms of writers' block, the person with writers' block (Matt, in this case) would be lying on his bed punching his pillow and saying how much he hated writing stories.
Wild 'poof'ing noises erupted from Matt's room, as he punched his soft and harmless pillow half to death. "I HATE WRITING!" he screamed.
At this moment, according to "Writers' Guide to Writers' Block," Matt should begin to realize that an idea has been sitting on his bed for a long time, and nearly got smashed along with his pillow.
"Hey what's this? It's a story! It's been sitting on my bed all this time!"
Matt picked it up and read it. The story was about a person with writers block, and because it was so horribly funny, it put Matt into a really good mood, and suddenly an idea sprang into his head.
"Of COURSE! I know exactly what to write! I love writing! Whoopeyy!!!" Matt cheered.
Matt's mom walked in and commented, "It's about time!" and left.
Chapter VI: Cube meets hacksaw
As Matt wrote his ideas down, and realized that his next story was going to be great, a huge hacksaw chiseled the Cube into dust.
"I don't believe it! I can't wait to write this! My teacher's going to love this story so much!" Matt laughed.
Chapter VII: It's sad but you can never be TOO sure.
Matt finished writing his ideas down, and then he assembled them into a storyline, and designed the characters, based on some of his friends and some other people he knew.
Matt sat down at his computer and put the heading on, picked a good font, and got ready to type. "How am I going to start?" Matt asked no one in particular.
Chapter VIII: Time to die, cubic nightmare!
Well, one more commentary about the evils of Writers' Block. No author, published or not, wants it. We CAN stop it, and get rid of it forever. To do this, however, we have to just plain old stop writing. But, most authors can't exactly stop writing, so the Cubes will have to stay, and authors will have to live with the nightmare of Writers Block.
Fortunately, though, Writers Block can be gotten over, just like a cold can be. However, the trip over is usually pretty bad.
Oh yes, about Matt, he finally figured out how to start his story. His teacher loved it, and he ended up having a LOT of fun with it, and got great comments from several other people.
- White Shade