Bobby Beer Goes Walkabout
Written by Avalanche
Ever wondered whether objects, like a rock or a house, are alive? Have thoughts? Well I have, and let me tell you, it's not just some crazy philosophy theory, it's reality. Yes, all objects in the universe share consciousness, from humans to flies which splat on your windscreen while driving on a lonesome countryroad somewhere in the middle of nowhere. Now you must be wondering where I'm getting at, after all, this is all common knowledge nowadays anyway. Well, ever thought of what food and drinks feel like? Well, I haven't... until I wrote the following story:
Life has never been hard where Bobby was born, how could it be? Bobby Beer was a bottle of Heinleineken, and he couldn't move himself, so he couldn't perform any hard labour. Thus life was easy for Bobby Beer and his friends down at the Heinleineken brewery. Of course, there were the myths and tales which were told by the flat beers. You see, once a young beer was old enough, he was taken away and tested, and then packed with other youngsters in a case, or a 6-pack. Some, however, were tested negatively, these were the flat beers, and they were left out in the dry, left to tell the tales of the great packaging to the youngsters, who looked up towards their peers.
Bobby Beer had heard these tales over and over again, and was getting rather sick of them. He wanted to be taken away, to explore the unexplored. Well, one summer morning, he got what he wanted, he was taken away by funny looking humans who tested his bodily fluids for any signs of the "flatness" disease. They found none and, as Bobby pondered these events, took him to the great packaging area. Bobby had always wondered whether he'd be packaged in a 6-pack or a case, and when the time came for his packaging, it was somewhat of a suprise. It appears the brewery had a new innovative idea: 4-packs. So Bobby had three other companions of his clan to talk with.
They had some quite interesting conversations, even when they were put in the supermarket, their talking hadn't decreased. They wondered about what would happen to them, they wondered why they were encased in such a weird looking box. They pondered the humans wich came along, and also these other creatures called "13-year-olds", who always talked greatly about buying beer, but never actually doing so. Right as they were getting tired from all this talk, this really... well, fat person came around and grabbed the case bobby and the others were packaged in, and put them all in his trolley.
It was quite an interesting journey to the fat man's home, unfortunately they couldn't see anything because the car window was up too high, and they couldn't move, after all being mere beer bottles. The home of the man turned out to be quite a disappointment. "Hah, this guy's lower class!", Brad Beer yelled. "Hey man, shut up, at least he's willing to take us in," Bob Beer said, hoping Brad would shut his big cap. For Bobby, it was one big sightseeing tour. They were put in a cold place called a fridge, all but Bobby. See, Bobby was taken out of the casing right away and put on the table, where he met a beer from a completely different clan. "Heya, Bud Beer's the name," said the beer. "Ehm, hey, my name's Bobby... Bobby Beer." "Well, nice to meet you Bobby, you got any idea what's going on here?" Bud asked. "No Sir," Bobby replied. Just as Bobby said that, the fat man took the cap of Bud's bottle, which evoked a quizzical look on Bobby and Bud's faces. "What'ye reckon he's up to?" Bud asked, in somewhat of a panic, not being able to move and all. The fat man took Bud and put the bottleneck of Bud to his lips, as Bobby watched in horror, the fat man drank Bud! Then the man took the cap off of Bobby, and Bobby could only scream in anguish as he awaited his fate....